Internet dating.  There it is, I’ve said it.  The phrase that many single people are thinking but are too afraid to say out loud.  Society as a whole seems to look down upon it.  It has become some sort of taboo.  We, as single people, are looking for someone to spend time with, a companion, possibly a long term love interest.  After many blind dates and even more “You should meet my cousin’s-best friend’s-brother, John”s, we are ready to try anything to meet that someone that we can practically put together ourselves. So I, a twenty-something single woman, decided to try it.

            Immediately, my best friend asked me what I was doing posting online when I could walk into a bar and meet any guy there.  While that sounds great, I told her I’d rather not limit myself to guys in bars.  Maybe a guy in a theatre, or at a blues club, or at a basketball game would be fun.  She responded with such a feeling of disgust at online dating that it made me wonder, what is everyone so afraid of?  After some personal research I found that there are two main problems associated with internet dating.  Mystery and Danger.

              Now picking a person to date on some sites is as specific as ordering at Starbucks.  We specify exactly what we want according to size, color, skinny or regular, with extras or not for versatility or pizzazz, etc. Yes, to some that’s what internet dating can feel like.  Some sites are extremely specific and then will request taking a compatibility test to make sure you’ll hit it off.  However, if being that specific isn’t your cup o’ joe, on some sites, you can simply post an ad and wait for an answer. But herein lies the question everyone is asking….Where’s the mystery?

             The mystery is the same as being set up by someone else, getting all the aforementioned qualities up front and meeting someone in the supermarket.  The mystery is what you make it.  You can choose to find out more or leave the rest to inquire in person.  The choice is completely up to you.

            In the days of old, dating was suspenseful and intriguing, you had no idea about what the person sitting across from you did for fun, a living, or otherwise.  Then again, in the days of old, serial killers couldn’t pose as perfect “someones” behind a screen name on the latest dating site.   Okay, so “serial killers” is going a bit too far.  But in all fairness, how do you know that Mr. Joe Handsome is really volunteering with terminally ill children at Chicago Memorial on his days off? Fact is, you don’t.  

            This brings us to the next societal problem placed on internet dating: Danger.  Of course it can be dangerous meeting someone for the first time when they are basically a stranger; but, this is the same in any dating atmosphere.  How well does your friend actually know her boyfriend’s-cousin’s-college roomate? Exactly.  Just because it’s coming from a friend, doesn’t make it any more safe. You never really know.  So why not take matters into your own hands and get an idea of what someone is like without playing the childhood game of telephone.  The danger isn’t really where the date comes from.  The probability that the boyfriend’s-cousin’s-college roomate could be a serial killer is just as high as the guy online who sounds too good to be true.  Except on some sites, they actually started running background checks to make sure that this won’t happen.  One should take all the same precautions as usual dating.  Well-lit, public places, short periods of time, a girlfriend on speed dial, and little alcohol consumption are all marks of a play-it-safe attitude.  Today, a single woman should be safe in any situation, no matter where she met her date.  

            So with all of this in mind, I went ahead and placed ads about me, about them, and everything in between. I got some answers and exchanged some emails.  I went on a few dates from both kinds of sites and, unfortunately, none of them worked out.  I don’t have any terrible stories, in fact, the dates were great, I had a good time.  I just didn’t feel that special tingle.  That’s what dating is about.  The good thing? I was able to meet some guys that I initially liked what I read about them.  It wasn’t hearsay and I chose whether or not I wanted to go, without the guilt of saying “no“ to a set-up date and hurting someone‘s feelings.  Again, of course there was that looming thought that Mr. Six-foot-great job-animal lover could’ve been the exact opposite; but, that’s the chance I took. So, after some research, my opinion is to go for it.  Meet the guy on the internet. Tweak the mystery gage as much or as little as you want and keep the danger level low. 

            After trying it, I have no objection to dating online.  In fact, when people ask me where I could have possibly met my Friday night date, I tell them.  I  picked him.  I learned enough about him to be intrigued and wanted to continue to the next step. It’d be the same if I met him on the street and went to go have coffee.  Except, I already knew some things about him and knew we’d have a lot to talk about. 

            While I’m a big believer in fate, I’m also a believer in taking control of your own life, giving fate a helping hand.  After all, like us, fate is very busy these days.  Why not list some specifications, or at least likes and dislikes, so the probability of good conversation is higher.  The more you talk about what you’re looking for, the more you learn about yourself.  Dating online doesn’t have to be scary if you take the necessary precautions. You don’t have to always know someone who knows your next possible date. Who knows, maybe that guy you met online was thinking the exact same thing you were: “Where the hell is she?” and hopefully he took matters into his own hands and looked for you online.